Tag Archives: satire

Operation stack

New solution to the Calais immigrant crisis

The problem arising in Calais due to the immigrants camping around the docks and train stations is reaching new highs. Not only are there nightly raids, causing the local security to be stretched thin, but also problems in scheduling of arrivals and departures because of the trespassing on the lines and in the tunnels. It’s a hugely dangerous situation that has already resulted in the death of one of the immigrants.

The repercussions of these events have caused havoc and chaos on the roads, not only of Calais, but also the UK. Operation stack has turned the M20 into one giant truck park, and brought half of Kent to a standstill. It doesn’t stop there, however. These trucks contain the trade and merchandise going in and out of the country. The impact on the economy could be devastating. Something must be done.

I have carefully considered the options myself, and I believe I have come up with a solution that will solve all the issues at one fell swoop.

We should invade France.


It’s a beautiful solution to the whole problem. We invade France, take over their government, and fix things. Looking at the facts and figures it shouldn’t take more than an afternoon’s work for the British Army. History tells us that France would more likely run away than fight, or just plain give up. Easy. That’s one job done. After spending another afternoon noticing that we’d have a few more borders that we actually should do something about, we would set about paying attention to them (and the people traveling over them), promptly turning away anyone who shouldn’t be wandering over them. Somewhat like we do on our island right now. The majority of the work has been done by now.

A further advantage to taking over France is that we could rename it. I suggest.. England. Old England would be the original island where the desirables live, leaving England to house the undesirables such as benefit scroungers, big issue sellers, Piers Morgan, Little Chef, soap operas, and reality shows. Not only that but we could finally abolish the French language, saving countless generations of our children from the horror of learning the three phrases “How are you?”, “How old are you?”, and “What is the time?” in order to attain their GCSE that no one will ever ask for.

We could also finally rid the world of Peugeot, Citroen, and Renault. That would be nice.

Being that France would become England, the immigrants camped in Calais, or meandering their way through the country, would find themselves slap-bang in the middle of their goal – England. They’d have lost their need to travel over the channel as they would have already arrived exactly where they were trying to go, thus removing the problem of delays on the M20 instantly. It’s win-win, people.

* This blog post is satire and my own humour, if you hadn't guessed. If you're offended by it, you may want to consider stopping being such a big jessie.